My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
