Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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