Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
