If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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