Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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