I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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