If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Someone shattered a urinal.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
