I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
