UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Still dying that you shit outside
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
