if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
