I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
