drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
