I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
