getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
