lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
