he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
