Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My vagina is officially offended.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
