OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
