dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
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