I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
