I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
