I am puke
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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