I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
