I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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