so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
