oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So vagazzling was a success
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
