Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
