It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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