All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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