you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
