I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
