Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
PANTIES FOUND
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