she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
should my penis look like a turkey
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
