they said they heard you say put it in my butt
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sext me about skeletons
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
