Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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