I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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