trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
