she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
