Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
