Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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