I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
