I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he puts the penis in happiness.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
