my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
