I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
