Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
