It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
