tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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