This is not my ceiling
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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