I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
