so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
