i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
