Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
